Rhode Island Missing Mark on Gender

Bear with me for a 'graph and a half ...

I can’t speak like a pirate.  Today is “National Talk Like a Pirate Day” and even though I’ve watched Pirates of the Caribbean and each sequel in excess of 20 times, my pirate dialect is nothing short of embarrassing.  It’s not an inadequacy.  It’s just who I am and I can live with that. But when I see all these show-offs saying “Arrrr matey” and “Man the mop swabbie”, I feel I am unfairly discriminated against. No, I don’t think people do it purposely. They do it out of ignorance so I know I am justified when I call for an end to the very offensive “Talk Like a Pirate Day”.

Likewise, my wife’s dad left her mom (or was it the other way around? Not sure but neither here nor there) when my wife was 14.  When the daddy-daughter dance came along, what was she to do? Well, unfortunately for her, the ACLU figured it out about 27 years too late.  Yep, 27 years ago they could have just done away with the entire practice altogether. Instead, my wife had to endure (end sarcasm) one of her favorite memories accompanying her best friend and best friend’s dad to the joyous event.  I guess you could say she “stagged it” but, yes, still it is a cherished memory for my wife.

Rhode Island has banned Father-Daughter dances and Mother-Son ball games. The ban was prompted when one single-mom cried foul since her daughter had no daddy to escort her.  I’d say what that poor girl lacks is a mom with creativity or without issues dealing with men.  Even in the most ardent, man-or-woman-hating, single-parent atmosphere, someone emerges as a father or mother figure in the lives of children being raised by just one parent.  The girl can go to the dance if she so desires, yet rather than having to face the facts of her daughter’s misfortune and her own poor planning in life, this mom would have NO ONE attend such an event.

It’s gender discrimination they say …

The ACLU says, “In 2012 not every girl necessarily wants to grow up and be Cinderella, some might actually like to go out on the baseball field and a public school of all places should not be suggesting otherwise…”

Why do women wear a dress and men a tux at a gender-mixed wedding?  Why do girls tend to play with dolls and boys tinker toys or footballs?  Is it stereotyping and mind shaping?  What does “2012” have to do with it anyway? Who would name their boy "Sue"?

It doesn't really matter ...

Red herrings exposed, what’s being missed in all this politicizing, is that these events are meant to encourage interactions between parents and their children.  It’s aimed at stretching the parents to act beyond an innate comfort zone.  It’s not about whether or not little Sally would rather attend a ball game than a dance.  It’s about Mom. You know?  Mom: that lady who spends some breath every week scolding dad for watching “football, AGAIN?” It’s about Dad. You know?  Dad: the guy who’d rather attend an Ogden Raptors game, than dip mom on the dance floor wearing his finest threads and smelling like a freshly pampered Julio Iglesias.

By and large (To misuse a nautical term. [Yes ... it's nautical] Seee? Landlubbers just shouldn't try that pirate thang)  Boys are different from girls. 

Generalizations recognized, let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water, people.  Let’s embrace our differences.  Let’s enjoy rather than demonize tradition. We’ve come to a fork in the road (I almost said Rhode).  One sign leads to a Rhode (snap, did it anyway) less taken and reads, “If we can’t please everyone, we should please no one.”  On the other road, or shall we just call it “the beaten path”, a more tattered sign reads, “I learned my lesson well”.

Garden Party - Ricky Nelson